Our Parents: Letters from the Heart

I was cleaning out a storeroom the other day and came across copies of old student letters that I asked them to write to African children as part of a writing exercise. It was 2014 and I was touring South Africa with the Over 60’s Australian cricket side. We were due to visit a school outside Kynsna on the way to Cape Town. Cricket coaching and a day spent visiting classrooms and talking to the kids.

I presented the letters to one of their teachers who read them aloud in both Xosa and English. It was moving to hear some of the contents about their lives in the Eurobodalla, their hopes, dreams and love of family. My own Year 7 students from CCB had such hope and optimism. I hope they are all doing well out in the world all these years later.

Here are some excerpts from those letters that affirm the importance of you (parents and guardians) in young peoples’ lives.

“I don’t know where I’d be without them. They mean the world to me. All I know is that I would always be better with their arms around me. They’ll always love me, no matter what….’ (ALLIE)

“In the saddest times they make me smile. We sit on the lounge watching movies and laughing as the rain tumbled down outside. It is the happiest memory of my childhood…” (Brody)

“There are no words to explain how incredible they are. Always believing in me no matter how many mistakes I make. I guess that’s what love is. I am so grateful for everything they do for me…” (Claudia)

“When I was young, crying in my daddy’s arms made me feel safe. I trust my mum with my heart and all my fears. I can tell her anything. I love them very much.”

“Hi, I am interested in learning about your life in Africa. I have a happy life. My parents are incredible people. They have made great sacrifices to send me to a good school. How many in your family? I hope that you are loved as much as I am.” (Grace)

No feeling compares to when my mum tucks me in and gives me a kiss goodnight. I feel special. I hope I always will. My parents drive me everywhere to play sport. Early mornings in winter when they could be sleeping in. I will always be grateful.” (Ian)

Make no mistake. There may be fractious times during adolescence but they are years of building memories that will sustain them in the living years as they eventually become parents themselves, all the while re-inventing those precious, joyous times. There are many styles of parenting. My own father long gone now was a quiet man but in an hour in his company was a lifetime of learning. A poem called “Those Winter Sundays” beautifully captures his stewardship.

“Sundays too my father got up early

and put his clothes on in the blueback cold,

then with cracked hands that ached

from labour in the weekday weather made

banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.

When the rooms were warm, he’d call,

and slowly I would rise and dress,

fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,

who had driven out the cold

and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know

of love’s austere and lonely offices?”         Robert Hayden 

It could equally apply to our mums. As I write about the role of parents it is good to reflect on the last line of that beautiful homage to the poet’s father. What do we children know, what can we ever truly know of parental love’s often lonely and unappreciated qualities.

Paul Cullen

paul.cullen@cg.catholic.edu.au